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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28353969">I saw you in the blazing light</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ileavetheroomsmiling/pseuds/ileavetheroomsmiling'>ileavetheroomsmiling</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Letters, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-The Death Cure, Safe Haven (Maze Runner), newt is not present as a character but he's important enough to tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:20:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,448</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28353969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ileavetheroomsmiling/pseuds/ileavetheroomsmiling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I think… I think the only reason it’s to me… he didn’t want…” Thomas paused, trying to collect his thoughts. “I think he thought that if he wrote something for you, then he would be giving up his motivation for us to find you again. He wanted to make himself hold on until we got you back. But I think what he said, it can be for you too.”</p><p>Minho didn’t like the fact that he himself was near tears already. He had come over with the intention of comforting Thomas and didn’t want it to turn into the other way around. “It’s <em>for you</em>,” he tried. Minho just… he couldn’t. Newt’s <em>last words</em>. He wanted to, but he didn’t think he could handle it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brenda &amp; Minho (Maze Runner), Minho &amp; Thomas (Maze Runner), Minho/Newt (Maze Runner)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Maze Runner Secret Santa 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I saw you in the blazing light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Es_per/gifts">Es_per</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>written for the <a href="https://mazerunnersecretsanta.tumblr.com">maze runner secret santa 2020</a>! thanks for organizing, mods :)</p><p><strong>prompt: </strong>Minho gets to read the letter Newt gave Thomas at the end of the TDC movie</p><p>hope you enjoy, giftee. this is pretty sad and angsty, but not enough to warrant a hurt no comfort tag, lol. additionally, content note that newt’s death is the main/only topic on minho’s mind throughout this fic, but since it has already occurred i did not tag for mcd</p><p>title from <a href="https://youtu.be/rSnMK0C0esU">“it froze me”</a> by the mountain goats</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Minho sat in the gathering area with Brenda. The rock Vince and the others had found was set to be the centerpiece of tomorrow’s Safe Haven celebration. Minho stared at it, trying to remember what all there was to celebrate.</p><p>“He’ll wake up,” Brenda said. “They said he was looking better and healing as expected.”</p><p>Alex, the immune person who had volunteered their medical skills to help Thomas, had done their best to assure Minho that he would recover, but Minho was having more than a little trouble trusting that.</p><p>One minute he had reunited with the two of them, Newt seeming perfectly fine, and the next he was pushing him away, giving him his thanks and sending Minho off to go meet up with Brenda for the dose of the cure. Not 10 minutes later, Minho returned to Newt on the ground, Thomas nowhere to be found.</p><p>He had already been gasping, the stress of the sprint following Brenda back draining him of what little energy he had remaining, but then—he felt suffocated for an entirely different (and unimaginably worse) reason.</p><p>“He better,” Minho said finally. He toyed with the necklace and capsule that Alex had taken off of Thomas when they had had to remove his clothes. Minho wasn’t allowed to see Thomas for the first day; Alex had said he needed to rest completely undisturbed.</p><p>Although the anticipation and worry were eating away at Minho, the brief separation from Thomas did give him time to start wrapping his head around everything that had happened.</p><p>He had been able to get himself out of the scientists’ hold when he weaponized Teresa’s hairpiece. Minho didn’t have much to thank her for, but he was apparently glad that she remembered to accessorize even at the end of the world.</p><p>He had run frantically around the compound, doing anything possible to stay away from those who would recapture him. And then it happened: the three of them, reunited. He only half-allowed himself to believe that it really was Newt and Thomas there for him—not just another nightmare simulation—but he gave his all in their escape on the chance that it really was happening.</p><p>They had survived the jump from the ridiculous height of the building, evaded trouble with the WICKED soldiers due to Gally’s well-timed intervention, and then they had made the decision to split up, Thomas taking Newt, Minho and Gally racing to Brenda for the cure.</p><p>Minho had barely realized what was happening. Newt had... </p><p>Up until they jumped, he had been fine. Minho was concerned to see how he and Thomas were doing, of course, but the rush of seeing them again and the prioritization of their escape from WICKED’s clutches pushed any less-than-necessary concern for their wellbeing temporarily out of his mind.</p><p>But then.</p><p>Then it hit him.</p><p>Minho didn’t… he didn’t even want to think of it at first. No. Just no way. Not <em>Newt</em>. Not Newt.</p><p>But it was, and he did, and then he was gone.</p><p>-</p><p>“How are you feeling?”</p><p>Minho had seen how exhausted Thomas was at the celebration the night before. Despite the relatively high sprits generated from Vince’s mournful yet rousing speech, Thomas seemed to be having an especially difficult time keeping himself there.</p><p>Minho hadn’t known what was inside the capsule on the necklace that Thomas had. Honestly, he hadn’t even thought to imagine that there would be something within it; it was probably just a trinket Thomas had picked up somewhere, maybe from someone else in the same way he had kept Chuck’s wood carving with him as they entered the Scorch.</p><p>Once he got Thomas alone at the party, he had handed it off to him. He gave him space to take in whatever it was, not wanting to intrude on whatever memories the object held for him. He stayed pretty close though, not quite ready to let Thomas totally out of his range of vision despite what Alex had said about him being recovered.</p><p>As he glanced at Thomas from the main seating area of the Safe Haven, surrounded by people drinking, cheering, and celebrating, he was immediately distressed by the awful sadness that came over Thomas. It might have been the fire, but Thomas’ eyes looked more than a little damp. The way his face looked, lit by the firelight… Minho couldn’t help but remember Thomas’ first night in the Glade, how he and Newt had looked illuminated by a fire in much the same way. Newt’s smile, his hair almost glowing in the light.</p><p>Minho had only been watching them from afar, but he watched Newt like that every month. Newt knew he was watching. The first time Newt had joked about it with him (<em>I know you’re lookin’ at me, Min—why do you think I take the Greenies around and introduce you by name?)</em>, Minho was just the slightest bit embarrassed. That didn’t last long, though. He and Newt knew what they had, what they felt for each other. What they continued to feel. What they would feel, always. Until—</p><p>What <em>Minho</em> would always feel, he supposed...</p><p>Minho always loved how Newt made an effort to get to know each new Greenie, to make them feel as comfortable as possible that first night, letting them know they had a friend from the start.</p><p>When he looked at Thomas in this moment, though, that memory of Newt served only to make his absence more horrifyingly obvious. Back then it was Thomas with nothing but an instinct for running, Newt by his side to introduce him to Glade life before the real party had started. Now, it was Thomas, alone, holding the capsule in his hands as if it might break.</p><p>Minho looked away from Thomas, then, but still stayed where he was sitting. He hoped that no one would come and bother him. Brenda had come and sat with him for a little while, before she noticed that Thomas was by himself and then prompted Minho to give him the necklace. Minho was mostly glad for the company.</p><p>After leaving Thomas be for what he deemed a reasonable amount of time, Minho made his way over to where Thomas was sitting. He hadn’t moved, and it didn’t look like he planned to.</p><p>Thomas looked up at him, any sense of composure he had maintained throughout the earlier portion of the evening nowhere to be seen. He looked a second away from tears.</p><p>Minho wanted to help, but he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know what the object he had returned to Thomas <em>was</em>.</p><p>“He wrote—” Thomas’ voice broke. “He wrote me a letter.”</p><p>“Oh,” Minho responded. No specification was needed.</p><p>“He... You should read it too.”</p><p>“No.” <em>Yes. Please.</em></p><p>“I think… I think the only reason it’s to me… he didn’t want…” Thomas paused, trying to collect his thoughts. “I think he thought that if he wrote something for you, then he would be giving up his motivation for us to find you again. He wanted to make himself hold on until we got you back. But I think what he said, it can be for you too.”</p><p>Minho didn’t like the fact that he himself was near tears already. He had come over with the intention of comforting Thomas and didn’t want it to turn into the other way around. “It’s <em>for you</em>,” he tried. Minho just… he couldn’t. Newt’s <em>last words</em>. He wanted to, but he didn’t think he could handle it.</p><p>“I want you to. You don’t have to. But you should. I think he would want you to.”</p><p>“I—” Minho didn’t know what to say.</p><p>Thomas placed the capsule into Minho’s hand and closed his fingers around it. “It’s okay. Just hold onto it for now, even if you don’t want to open it. If you read it, though, you know where to find me.” He got up and walked away, seemingly toward the medical tent he was sleeping in.</p><p>Thomas’ offer of future comfort didn’t do much to assure Minho that he could handle reading the letter. For Newt, though, he would do anything. If this… if this was the last tangible piece of him Minho could have, Minho would do anything for it. No matter how scared he was to have to think about how he would never hear Newt’s voice again, never see his smile or hear his laugh, he knew he had to do this now that Thomas had offered it to him.</p><p>-</p><p>Before leaving the celebration, he had let Brenda know he was turning in for the night and instructed her to come and get him if anyone needed anything at all. Minho hadn’t spent a lot of time with her, all things considered, but she was the one who had gotten him up off his knees after they were left with a missing Thomas and a dead Newt amidst the destruction of the city.</p><p>He didn’t know how she quite <em>understood</em> what he needed then, what he needed now, but she <em>did</em> and that was enough to earn his trust and relatively new friendship.</p><p>His was only one of the many dorm tents they had set up, and he was sharing with Brenda, Frypan, and Gally. Something told him that Brenda had read the emotion on his face when he bid her goodnight, though, and that she would manage to keep the others occupied for however long she thought he would need to be alone. He would have their makeshift sleeping area to himself for a while, he guessed.</p><p>He unscrewed the capsule and carefully pulled out the sheets of paper rolled inside. He placed them on his mattress briefly while he reassembled the capsule and wrapped the necklace of it around his wrist. It was something, at least.</p><p>He tried to take a deep breath, but it was no use. He knew he should accept now that there was absolutely no way he was going to get through reading this without becoming a complete mess.</p><p>Newt would have told him it was okay. As much as Newt had struggled with asking for help or sharing his emotions with others, he had always encouraged Minho to come to him when anything was wrong, or when he just wanted to talk something over. They had developed a good relationship, and Newt eventually realized he could open up to Minho in the same way.</p><p>Minho shook his head. No more stalling. Just get to it.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Thomas</em>
</p><p>As jarring as it was to see Newt’s handwriting (to see it for the last time), Minho still registered that it was odd that Newt had called him Thomas rather than Tommy. He didn’t know whether that meant Newt had been struggling to write the letter, or… who knew. He felt a little guilty reading a letter that wasn’t addressed to him, but Thomas’ explanation did make sense. In a terrible, heartwrenching way, but it did. So he continued.</p><p>
  <em>I want you to know that I'm not scared. Well, not of dying, anyway. It's more forgetting. It's losing myself to this virus, that's what scares me.</em>
</p><p>Minho wished he could’ve been there. It would have been awful, of course, to see the most important person in his life have to suffer and deteriorate, but Minho would have seen him through anything, done anything he needed. Just been there for him, with him.</p><p>Newt had been scared and Minho hadn’t been able to be there for him. He wished Newt didn’t keep it to himself until that became impossible, wished he could have gotten the cure, wished <em>above all</em> that it wasn’t Newt who was doomed to this. Anyone but Newt.</p><p>
  <em>If I could do it all over again, I would. And I wouldn't change a thing.</em>
</p><p>Oh, Newt. It wasn’t fair. Minho would do <em>anything</em>. His hands were shaking. He wished Newt were there to hold them (and hold him).</p><p>Minho let out a sob. Not trusting himself to hold back more that he was sure would come, he read through the last words of the letter before placing the pages on a side table. He would <em>not</em> ruin this last piece of Newt with his sweating hands or traitorously watering eyes.</p><p>
  <em>You deserve to be happy.</em>
</p><p>The knife had been in Newt’s chest, but Minho felt it in his own now.</p><p>-</p><p>He didn’t know how long he’d been crying for. He didn’t really care. The purely rational part of him knew he would be okay, eventually, that he would make it through this, that he could be okay without Newt. <em>Without Newt.</em> Just thinking it felt wrong. He knew… he knew it would be alright, but it was just hard to believe with much conviction right now. He felt <em>so</em> lonely.</p><p>His eyes hurt. He curled up on his side on the mattress. The mattress, objectively, was comfortable. It was taken from the ship that Vince had somehow procured to transport them to the Safe Haven. It was surprisingly good, just the right amount of fluff filling it to be supportive yet soft.</p><p>Minho tried (and failed, miserably) not to think about how it was nowhere near as comfortable as the rockhard inch-thick bunk bed mattress pad he had shared with Newt that first night out of the Maze in what they eventually learned was WICKED headquarters. He would gladly sleep on an ice-cold floor if it meant he could hold Newt again.</p><p>Brenda’s voice came from outside. “Hey. Can I come in?”</p><p>Against his will, he teared up again. “Yeah,” he managed, pitch high and shaky. He didn’t have the strength to go out and find Thomas, not while he was like this. And anyway, Minho didn’t feel like it should be Thomas’ responsibility to offer comfort over something that was unquestionably upsetting for him as well.</p><p>“Thomas told me,” she said simply. “What do you need?”</p><p>The obvious answer was Newt.</p><p>He didn’t trust himself to be able to speak. Minho shook his head and was a little bit mortified by the whine that escaped him. He didn’t look at her.</p><p>She took a few steps toward him, glancing at the pages of the letter for just a second. Not trying to read them, just letting him know that she understood some portion of what was going on. “Can I give you a hug?”</p><p>He nodded. Newt said he deserved to be happy. And he would be, he knew. Not right now, but here with everyone else, he would be able to be.</p><p>He strengthened his grip on the capsule and let Brenda wrap her arms around him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>happy tmr secret santa, everyone! i have always wanted to give minho some sort of closure, and in movie canon, i do believe that requires thomas letting him read the letter! socials are in my profile, come yell with me!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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